This is the best time of the year in the call centre if you ask me. I spoke to a girl from Phoenix today, whose Reindeer Hat with Lights and Song (order no. SC-98434), one of the favourite items of the entire catalogue, was not working. I said I was very sorry and there was little she could do except return the item. After Christmas, of course. She took it lightly, unlike the guy from Key West the other day with the deep baritone (hard to understand) who hung up on me after a coughing fit that made me imagine he looked like a crazed, bell-shaped Hemingway. That desert bloom from Arizona and I had a good free chat. I told her some of what I do when I’m not talking to Americans on the phone at night and we practised pronouncing the name of my town. We laughed so hard!

From the new series: 24 faces of the Earth in 24 hours, Christmas Eve